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Parenthood Exam

Under penalty of conviction for perjury, you must answer all of the following questions truthfully.  If you cannot read English, then contact your local United States Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) for a translation to your language, or your local state government for an oral exam format.

Failure on this exam or refusal to take it is grounds for immediate mandatory sterilization.

I, , certify that every answer is true to the best of my knowledge, and am aware that I may be convicted for perjury should proof of any falsehood on my completed exam be discovered.  I understand that the use of the word "child" in the exam extends to the plural "children." I am also aware that I will be sterilized (surgically prevented from reproducing) should I fail this exam, or if I refuse to take it.
Date: Saturday, 21-Dec-2024 17:19:28 UTC


Answer every question truthfully.

  1. Would you ever break a bone in your child's body out of anger?
    Yes No

  2. Do you believe that drowning is an acceptable method of preventing your child from going to Hell?
    Yes No

  3. Are you abusive, or is your spouse or fiancé abusive?
    Yes No

  4. If you are currently considering having a child, are you able to financially support yourself?
    Yes No

  5. Do you currently suffer from a mental disorder which makes you a danger to yourself and/or others?
    Yes No

  6. Would you ever kill or sacrifice your child for any reason?
    Yes No

  7. Are you willing to participate in your child's education (i.e.- buy school supplies)?
    Yes No

  8. Do your sexual fantasies involve children?
    Yes No

  9. If you are currently considering having a child, do you believe you will have enough time to raise your child?
    Yes No

  10. Do you regularly take any psychoactive drug, with or without a prescription?
    Yes No

  11. Do you believe that chaining your child to a wall or locking your child in a closet for hours on end is an acceptable form of child-rearing?
    Yes No

  12. Would you ever conceal an important fact about your child's mental or physical health in such a way as to prevent your child from receiving aid necessary to his or her well-being?
    Yes No

  13. Have you ever committed a first or second degree murder, rape, or molested a child?
    Yes No

  14. Do you have any vicious or dangerous pets (i.e.- a python, boa, dog trained for attack) which you plan to keep around your child?
    Yes No

  15. Do you find joy in the torment of others?
    Yes No

  16. Do you believe that your child will be a human being separate from yourself?
    Yes No

  17. Would you ever persuade a child to commit a felony?
    Yes No

  18. Are you addicted to crack cocaine?
    Yes No

  19. Do you plan to abandon your child after giving birth?
    Yes No

  20. Are you under the age of thirteen (in human years)?
    Yes No

  21. Are you having a child because you need a moving target?
    Yes No

  22. Will your child be the result of a union with a close blood relative (i.e.- sister, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle, nephew, niece, son, or daughter)?
    Yes No

  23. Do you intend to have your child fulfill all of the things you have left undone?
    Yes No

  24. Do you intend to breed children for food or cheap labor?
    Yes No

  25. Do you think of a child the same way you think of a pet or a doll?
    Yes No

  26. Are you prepared to be responsible for the shape and quality of the foundation for another human's life?
    Yes No

  27. Do you want your child to be blind, deaf, mute, or handicapped?
    Yes No

  28. Have you ever been a guest on the Jerry Springer show?
    Yes No

  29. Do you plan to put your child on an all-sugar-all-the-time diet?
    Yes No

  30. Do you use your handgun as a remote control?
    Yes No

  31. Will your child be used for sexual gratification?
    Yes No

  32. Are you currently a member of the KKK or any hate group(s)?
    Yes No

  33. Is your purpose for having a child the result of a scientific experiment?
    Yes No